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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"It's Complicated"

So what does that mean anyway? Why must things be so complicated? A "friend" (it's complicated...natch) asked me this morning what that meant on facebook. My answer? One of several things:
  1. You're dating someone, but it's on the rocks
  2. You're dating someone who is technically the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife of someone else
  3. You have a friend with benefits, but there isn't a relationship status for casual sex
When I thought about what each of those situations meant, it kind of ticked me off. We live in a complicated world. Aren't there enough things to cause confusion without throwing matters of the heart into the mix? At what point (especially when it comes to #2) do you become complacent in your position in someone else's life?

I asked a bunch of friends who have this as their relationship status what it meant to them and the reactions I got went from mild acceptance to thinly-veiled hostility over the status of their love life. We as humans (well, most of us, I can't speak for those who eschew love altogether) crave to be loved, to have someone to love. And we're stingy, no one likes to play second fiddle (especially to someone who you deem to have less to offer than you do).

So why comply? Why accept that you'll never be anything more than a back-up plan? I don't get that. Yet, I've spent some time in my not-so-distant past being in what can only be called a relationship in the loosest sense of the word. For me, the reasons I have for my acceptance of those terms were justified in my warped mind, albeit quite pathetic nonetheless.

Don't get me wrong, life isn't all sunshine and farts, but why can't we be honest with the ones we choose to spend (or waste, depending on how you feel) our lives with? If someone's in a relationship and they're totally unhappy, but stay out of some sense of obligation, why not have the balls and common decency to tell your partner you're over it? If you're dating a married/attached person, why not have the self-respect to tell them that you don't like being the "other woman/man" (unless you're ok with that...and if that's the case, you're a f*cked up individual and karma will come for you eventually)? If you're just casually sleeping with someone, aren't you really just single?

I don't know and I don't judge (except in cases of #2 above and I have my reasons for that---to reiterate, f*ck cheaters, y'all aint sh*t).

*drops mic*

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